One one things

I hate Sundays, but I’m happy it’s Sunday, well barely, it’s 3am. It’s the beginning of a new week and I’m happy to turn my back on the week that passed. Though it’s hard to turn away completely from what matters most, the situation at home. I first heard the rumour on Friday morning when my housemate had just spoken to her father who said that Prabha is planning on declaring Eelam on the 26th, Villains Heroes day. I didn’t take much notice of it bc of the way that rumours in Colombo spread with as strong a foundation as a Hippo on stilts. Then I heard it again from two other reliable sources, this made it slightly more worrying. I’m a very optimistic person and something in me always says “Don’t worry, Sri Lanka will be OK, life always goes on in SL however screwed up things get.” And I still think that, but then I also think of places like N. Korea, maybe they thought the same things and looks what’s happened over there. I think this is a time when a lot of ppl at home feel insecure, and I know that I do.

What if the rumour is true? It terrifies me to think of what could happen. In my eyes the worst case scenario is a backlash in the South and West, an ‘83 all over again. If Prabha declares Eelam the Tamils in Colombo and the rest of the country will be targetted and told to “go home.” Considering the violent, volatile nature of certain political parties there’ll be plenty of fuel being thrown onto the fire. When I considered this my thoughts went to my Tamil friends, and the insanity of the whole situation just slapped me. Hotel Rwanda is a brilliant and sad film, in it a foreign journalist asks a Rwandan what the difference between Hootus and Tutsis are, apparently the Tutsis are fairer, taller and have longer noses than the Hootus. I laughed when I heard this, how idiotic. Ironic isn’t it?

I sometimes want to cry for Sri Lanka, now more than ever. We’re ruining our little piece of heaven. Nature gave us this fantastic little piece of land, it’s little but it’s got everything we could ever ask for. The nicest beaches, fabulous mountains, fertile lands, incredible wildlife, gorgeous food and poya days. I mean, just look at the Flickr pictures tagged Sri Lanka. I get through each day in England knowing that I have some place better to go to, a place where the sun shines, a place I call home and a place where I belong. A select few ppl, 20 million out of 6 billion, were chosen to live here but we don’t seem to care, we’re more hell bent on destroying what we have. And over what? Our differences? How bloody childish. You’ll say it’s not that simple, but trust me, it is. It’s like two kids put in a play pen for an hour with a whole heap of fabulous toys but spend the whole hour fighting over who gets what and neither of them get to enjoy the toys. I’m not saying any one “side” is to blame and the other is to be absolved, both are equally idiotic and myopic. All we need to do is to either recognize that there aren’t any real differences (which is unlikely) or just to come to a compromise, and if we can’t even sit down and have a chat together what hope do we have? Each group is just refusing to give a little bit, it’s all or nothing. I hate the fact that the ppl that do matter insist on behaving like obstinant children. We call ourselves human beings, the most advanced of God’s creatures, obviously God hasn’t done a very good job with us. We’re not advanced in the least.

Thoughts of leaving the country have infiltrated my parents’ minds, and i’m sure they’re not the only ones. I spoke to them on the phone and they mentioned this and asked what I think and I said I don’t know. I can’t imagine myself living anywhere else, and the fact that I’ve even had to consider this for a moment pisses me off big time. I don’t want to live anywhere else, and I don’t think I will, I don’t even want to think of the the circumstances under which I will actually be willing to leave.

Right now I’m angry, scared, sad, hopeful and helpeless. I’m asking myself what is wrong with us? Why are we pulling the rug under our feet? And the answers piss me off. I know this post sounds simplistic and naiive and I don’t care. It’s bc the issues ARE simple, at their root they’re so damn simple, and that’s what makes this hurt so much. It’s not like we’ve got a massive volcano that’s about to erupt and engulf us all, our problem is that ppl can’t get along bc they’re not willing to have a chat like sensible mature adults. I hope the rumour isn’t true, and if it is true I hope our ppl don’t react like idiots. My housemate said that hopefully we’ve learnt lessons in the last 22 years, but then, would we have elected who we elected? I hope I’m over-reacting, I hope a lot of the ppl back home that i’ve spoken to are over-reacting. Given a UDI, the alternative to a re-make of July ‘83 is a return to full fledged war, and it saddens me to say that is the better of two evils.

It’s hard to think of positives in a situation like this, it all seems very bleak. In 1989 when I was living with my parents in England whilst they completed their postgrad work, the JVP insurgency was at its height and my parents considered not returning to SL. Lalith Athulathmudali gave my father the following advice, “People may die, families may die, political parties may die, but countries never die. So come back home, things will be ok soon enough.” And sure enough they were. I hope his words remain true today.