One one things

The other day I was in the tube reading the Metro over somebody else’s shoulder as i am wont to do when I’ve forgotten to bring my book du jour in my customary absent mindedness. I was pleasantly surprised to read that the manic street preacher in Oxford Circus had been given an ASBO (Anti-social behaviour order, I think). I find him particularly annoying, specially bc he uses a loudspeaker, and his voice has this mind-numbing quality. There are several MSPs in London, but the old man who usually sets up camp near the Camden town tube station is my favourite. He engages in discussion with ppl and rips them apart (verbally) when they try to take the piss. I’ve always wanted to have a word with him, and the other day I had my chance.

I was leaning against the wall waiting for a friend at Marble Arch tube station exit when I saw the familiar face with his white kurthaesque shirt, beard, cap and “Jesus is alive” board. Ppl stare, a few Americans take pictures and this tiny Asian guy sees him and screams “Jeeeesus is aliiiiive!” pumping his fists in the air as if Jesus was his favourite sports team as opposed to a major religious figure. I think he was stoned. But he goes on to chat with our MSP proclaiming his faith and looking like an obediant puppy, nodding his head eagerly. MSP had stopped just next to me and my friend with his back turned to us, and several ppl stopped to talk to him. First two more Asian dudes, a young European kid and a couple of black guys took turns to see what he had to say. MSP asked each of them why they are alive, and there were some interesting answers drawing from biology and Cartesian philosophy among others. In between this MSP had a yell at an Eastern European shop keeper who had asked him to leave, MSP was furious and claimed to have fought in WWII for their liberation and that he has no right to tell him to leave. Several minutes passed and the little stoner was still with MSP and was now repeating the key words that MSP said to others;

MSP: “You are alive bc Jesus is in you”
Stoner: “Yes, Jesus, Jesus”
MSP: “I don’t believe in religion, Satan is religion”
Stoner: “Satan, Satan”

Finally a Muslim chap (probably from Edgware road) came along and started arguing that Islam is the only true faith resulting in a shouting match which was largely incoherent and in a multitude of languages and dialects. The stoner had to go and he hugged MSP in pure devotion, and MSP turned around, saw the two of us and said something in Hindi. I shrugged my shoulders and said “No Hindi”. He then tries Punjabi, and draws the same response. He must have thought i’m a BBCD (British Born Confused Desi) so I said that I’m from Sri Lanka. MSP then said “Ahh Eppadi sugama? nallam?” I was grinning now, thoroughly impressed with his linguistic talents, but had to say that Tamil is beyond me as well. How incompetent I must have appeared. He scratched his head as if conjuring memories from the nether regions of his cerebellum. Finally he said “Ah mahaththaya! Bath kaawada? Aayubowan! Kohamada?” It was a brilliant performance, I delightedly put my palms together and said “Aayubowan, ow mama bath kaawa, hondin innawa.” I asked him how he knows Sinhalese and he said that he was in Carey College in 1948. Why someone would go to school after fighting the War was beyond me, but then maybe they had child soldiers even then. Finally he gave me a tired smile of satisfaction and said that he has stayed on this road enough and that he should go, I smiled as he walked passed a KFC where more ppl stopped to talk to him, and a drunk white man began to immitate a chicken.