One one things

So a while back I wrote something about the sexual pursuits of my dog (I would say bitch but I’m much too cultured for that). In a nutshell, things with Sam didn’t work out. He just was not interested, and it was later disclosed that he had some hormonal problem (shock). My fellow was, in the words of the vet, “hari unanduweng hitiya”. The horny git. What to do. Anyway, after two days with Sam we decided to try another fellow and the vet suggested two names - one was called Brutus and the other Rinoldo - both Labs. Brutus’ owners came over and wanted 30k to pimp their dog - naturally I showed them the gate. 30k for a shag..inflation, I tell you. The next day the other prospect turns up (it was a Sunday, it felt like a proper marriage visit - I must digress at this point to tell a quick story). I was reading the marriage proposals a couple of weekends back as part of my Sunday amusement and came across a gem. “Young, slim, fair (of course) muslim lady, recently divorced after a very brief marriage, innocent party” (now in Sri Lankan marriage proposals there are no guilty parties - everybody who is divorced is the innocent party). And here’s the clincher - “However she remains a virgin.” I mean this is what we need - no more bullet proof cars and what not, just figure out what that hymen is made of and nothing will get through. Marvelous.

So anyway - Rinoldo comes over with pater, mater and a rotund little bugger who grinned and waddled back and forth. I liked them instantly - and family is very important. Rinoldo was friendly if a bit saliva prone. My fellow however was having none of it - she barked and barked and almost bit Rinoldo so we decided to try an introduction at the male’s place - which is how it should be. The next day I took her over to theirs and again no luck - major aggression by Teq and we couldn’t get them off their leads. Tough luck - it wasn’t set to work on this heat. We just hoped she wouldn’t have another pseudo-pregnancy. Unfortunately within a couple of months she again started her digging and whining so we gave her an injection to tone down the hormones. It wasn’t quite as bad as last time. All of this happened late last year.

In September she had her next heat and again the vet said to give it a shot - so I took her over to Rinoldo’s. Again there was aggression but this time the vet persuaded me (with much difficulty) to let her off the lead and for me to go out of sight. Naturally this was quite difficult but I had to do it. As soon as I let her go and went inside the bugger tried to hump her - but she was having none of it, barked and growled till he backed off. I all but cheered in delight. That’s my girl! Don’t let the bugger get in your nickers! Eventually I was told that I should leave and pick her up in a few hours. It was really sad leaving her - it was the first time I had left her alone in a strange place and I couldn’t look her in the eyes before going. I got the boy’s mobile number and kept checking on her even before I reached home. It was even stranger going home and not have her do her usual greeting at the top of the stairs - wagging her tail and with it her whole body. About 4 hours later I picked her up - nothing had happened, she had not let him mount her and they had both gone to sleep eventually.

On my way back home, with her happily in the front seat, the vet called me up and asked what happened. I explained the story and he said, “ehema thamai, aayeth karanna oney ballige spirit eka kadena kang.” That just sounded completely wrong to me. I wasn’t going to keep her there until she could no longer fight him. I mumbled something and left the phone. It was a huge dilemma - the parents were abroad so I called them up and explained the situation - they agreed that we should call it off - it just didn’t feel right. Unfortunately this would mean she’ll be likely to have further pseudo-pregnancies and possible complications later on. I’m still not sure what we’ll do on her next heat. It’s now two months since the last heat and she’s already showing signs of distress. Last night she started whimpering and licking the pillow - which was followed by what looked like a false labour. It’s extremely distressing watching her - not being able to explain to her what’s going on in her body. We’ll probably need to give her another hormone shot, though I’m somewhat skeptical about the effects in the longer term. Decisions decisions.